Wish You Were Here!

That's an interesting feeling in my chest, no real words to desrcibe it.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

I'm mentally, physically and spiritually numb and even then I don't think numb is the right word. I feel like i am going insane and that the men in the white coats will be here any minute now, might do me good. Lock myself away for a while in a padded room with lots of colourful drugs. Is music not supposed to do something for your mood? I'm barely even hearing it. I'm this great big ticking time bomb of emotions and I'm going to explode soon, I'm sure of it. I've never felt anything like this in my life and it's a bit curious. I'm like the longest, twistiest rollercoaster there is. I'm up, I'm down, I plateu, I do a loop de loop, then a bit of a jerk. I rattle your bones and give you thrills you've never known.I know all of this, but how well do i know myself, what am I trying to prove? If anything. I can't even think what my mood would look like if it were an emoticon. This is frustrating, not knowing what I really feel for anything or anyone. I know that whatever it is it isn't easy...


I think, no i know, that I should go to bed to sleep a restless sleep or to stare at blank walls. What do I feel right now?


Vicky