Depression

So apparently I'm not very good at hiding my depression or at least I don't think I am. There is only so many times I can say "I'm Fine!" "I'm fantastic and can handle anything" when really all I want to do is hide under my duvet and let the world pass me by for a while. Truth be told I feel like total shit. Yeah I have a social life with great friends, I have money coming into the bank...a result of four jobs but nonetheless, I have a roof over my head, I am moving to Australia and a pack of other blessings on my side, but I care not for any of it.

I am actually terrified of this move to Australia. I know it will do me good to get out there on my own, live this fantastic new life but there are parts of this old life that I am really rather attached to. It's scarier the fact that I am going completely 100% on my own, yeah I might have family over there but I won't be depending on them, this is me going out into the world. I know I can handle it, I lived in Edinburgh on my own but the first flat was with people that I knew and the second flat I didn't speak to the flatmates. Reality I guess is finally hitting home. Me and Graham are over and I am going to Australia by myself, leaving my family and best friends behind. I joke and laugh saying that they can all come over and visit me, but I think in all honesty I'll never see anyone again, it's too damn expensive to get over to Australia, they can't exactly just jump a bus or a taxi to come see me.

Incidentally I hate my boss, all of them. In fact I'm not mad keen on any of my jobs, but that's life eh? I hate the fact that I am still awake and have a sore back, in fact I hate life at the moment.