Why do I feel like a prize fool? I really hate it when people just rip the piss out of me. I feel manipulated and stupid and I really should learn that I can't trust anyone except myself. At the end of the day everyone out there is doing something to someone else for their own gain and I am so fucking sick of being the tail end of it.
Monday 15 September 2008
Saturday 13 September 2008
Prawns
Yup I am sitting here eating a prawn stir fry. I'm not even that hungry and this is only the second thing I have had to eat all day. I am actually so bored and clearly I lead a very exciting life. It's Saturday and so far today I have edited my profile on Facebook, by that I mean added photos, and deleted a handful of texts off my phone. The next part of my plan is to type up a little more of Luvine Lust and perhaps even do my CV or read Queen of the Damned. Yes as you can see I do in fact lead the most dreadfully thrilling life. Oh tell a lie I did do one slightly exciting/productive thing, I applied to be an Avon rep for a bit of extra cash.
It's been a rough couple of months apart from my trip to Amsterdam. I came back from my trip and started to feel like me again, although today I just feel shit. The only reason I even got out of bed today was because my back was starting to get sore and I was hungry. Bonny is away in Turkey, Graham is on WoW raiding and I am sitting by myself on a Saturday night, I did the same thing last night too. It's actually so depressing, every Monday I go into work and get asked how my weekend was and I am so loathe to say that it was so mind numbingly boring that I would have rather have been at work at least that way I would have people to talk to. Instead I always just say "yeah it was ok, didn't really get up to much." Translates to the same thing, I have no life.
Hmm actually my stir fry wasn't that nice. My music is driving me nuts too, I need a bit of excitement. Truth be told I need to feel like I am the most important thing in Graham's life again. Kinda feeling like even though I know he loves kinda feel like he is jus tbiding his time until we get to Australia. I think it's mostly just that I can't see him as much as I would like for two major reasons A) he can't get a lift and B) he now spends all his time in London cos he is working and moving there. The worst thing is I know he loves it there and have this gut wrenching feeling that he won't want to leave his new job and will get too comfortable with the two guys he is moving in with. I can say all I want that I will be fine going to Australia myself and I don't doubt that if it came down to it I would be eventually but I am totally paranoid just now. If I had the money then I would suggest to Graham that we go now, but I want to be able to have a bit of cash behind us before we go and right now I am struggling to pay all my bills and survive day to day nevermind doing anything fun.
Ugh I actually just feel like crying. Think I will go type more of this story and then attempt to forget these feelings in a hot bath.
Amethyst ***
It's been a rough couple of months apart from my trip to Amsterdam. I came back from my trip and started to feel like me again, although today I just feel shit. The only reason I even got out of bed today was because my back was starting to get sore and I was hungry. Bonny is away in Turkey, Graham is on WoW raiding and I am sitting by myself on a Saturday night, I did the same thing last night too. It's actually so depressing, every Monday I go into work and get asked how my weekend was and I am so loathe to say that it was so mind numbingly boring that I would have rather have been at work at least that way I would have people to talk to. Instead I always just say "yeah it was ok, didn't really get up to much." Translates to the same thing, I have no life.
Hmm actually my stir fry wasn't that nice. My music is driving me nuts too, I need a bit of excitement. Truth be told I need to feel like I am the most important thing in Graham's life again. Kinda feeling like even though I know he loves kinda feel like he is jus tbiding his time until we get to Australia. I think it's mostly just that I can't see him as much as I would like for two major reasons A) he can't get a lift and B) he now spends all his time in London cos he is working and moving there. The worst thing is I know he loves it there and have this gut wrenching feeling that he won't want to leave his new job and will get too comfortable with the two guys he is moving in with. I can say all I want that I will be fine going to Australia myself and I don't doubt that if it came down to it I would be eventually but I am totally paranoid just now. If I had the money then I would suggest to Graham that we go now, but I want to be able to have a bit of cash behind us before we go and right now I am struggling to pay all my bills and survive day to day nevermind doing anything fun.
Ugh I actually just feel like crying. Think I will go type more of this story and then attempt to forget these feelings in a hot bath.
Amethyst ***
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